Never Do This!!! A Caribbean Nightmare

September 23, 2017

Who's a runner? Walker? Hiker?

Anyone who spends an extended amount of time in nature might know what its like to be in this predicament... bathroom wise.

By this I mean nothing grotesque, im just talking of the number 1's and 2's we all make on a daily basis. We all know the struggle with going on long blissful outings and simultaneously staying hydrated. Sometimes regression into caveman era is the only option when theres no loo readily available and mother nature does provide a bush for shelter and leaves to wipe... or does she!!!

I found myself in this predicament in Antigua.

One morning i was out on my daily run and nature came a'callin'. I was very conveniently in the wilderness and toddled off down a scabby path for that extra bit of privacy. A few moments later...All was well again in the world, I used mother natures leaves as a substitute paper and off I hopped back to my trail to complete the run. BUT all was NOT well in the world (Rebecca's world..) there was a somewhat unfamiliar feeling on my jog back but I put it down to my pedantic ocd paranoia about being clean and showered off immediately upon arriving back.
The feeling intensified. The feeling was persistent. The feeling was in fact present and not in my head! This was real, very very real.

So after chatting the morning event over with my boyfriend he diagnosed I had used... Duh, duh, duhhh... A machelin leaf as my potty paper. For those of you not familiar, this is a tree very commonly known in the whole caribbean for being extremely poisonous to humans, it literally causes death and burns and whole array of shit I just didn't want to be a part of. Turns out pretty much everyone in the whole Caribbean knows to avoid this tree.. everyone apart from me, Id used the darn thing to rub up on. Typical.
Well, after 2 weeks, an embarrassing conversation with my boyfriends dad about the whold down there situations (yes boyfriend found it all hilarious and told the story a fair few times), and a whole lot of discomfort with sitting, walking, sleeping, living.. walking like I had done the business in my pants, being carried whenever possible, a whole lot of stinging and burning sensations, a bit of peeling and scabbing.. a few tears maybe..


And i still cant remember what that darn bloody tree looks like. But now I avoid all trees when Im in that situation... erm lesson learnt?
SO, moral of the story? Take loo paper with you or air dry. Possibly learn about the local poisoneous plants you may encounter and DONT wipe with a Michelin tree leaf.



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