What Is Your Greatest Fear?

October 13, 2018

What is your greatest fear?

 

Im in my pyjamas, lounging around and working from bed today after a long week working around the sensationally stunning Atlantic Coastline of Ireland with Appleton Photography Training. 

Feeling tired and listening to the howling wind and rain outside, I have no intention of moving from my comfy lying position for at least half the day. After all, I deserve the rest (or so I keep telling myself..) after working outside in the winter weather and not sleeping too much all week, my body feels tired and so I am learning to respect that just like a car with an mot my body will function better for longer the more I take care of it.

Regardless of my chillaxed physical state, my mind never switches off. Always ticking away with ideas and things I need to work on and achieve. The list is never ending, which is wonderful and also draining at the same time. I constantly put such high expectations on myself that I simply cannot live up to without sucking all the joy out of life and being a workaholic bore. 

 

However, I have come to realise that I never live up to expectations of myself or life for 1 reason…

 

1. Self sabotage. 

 

 

“There are other people less qualified and experienced out there doing what you want to do purely because they believe in themselves more”

 

This is one of my all time favourite ‘thinking’ quotes.

 

When I first read this I thought ‘my god, why am I holding myself back?’

 

And the truth is we all (well most of us) do! We are too scared of failing to even begin, or fear judgement from what others may think. We listen to that voice inside thats says ‘your not good enough’, but what justifies one person as good enough and another as not? Is it all not just dependant on one persons perception? And the one person we all listen to more than any other is ourselves.

 

So when this question rocked up on @themoontarot ’s story, it really made me think. 

 

What is your greatest fear?

 

Apart from the usual fears such as spiders and heights - both of which i’ve been working on to overcome and I can now hold spiders and climb heights, yippee - there is always a deep rooted in every person. A real possibly even subconscious fear that drives us and controls our behavioural patterns. This fear could come from childhood, relationships, or something that happened in the past and can be the reason for our failures, mishaps and even illnesses that happen in your life now. 

 

 

 

Over the past year I’ve been forced to confront many of my inner demons and behavioural patterns. I study my every thought and action trying to understand the workings of my mind and why I do and say the things I do. 

Why? 

Well, I really had no choice as it was the only way out of a deep hole of depression that I stumbled into only a year ago. Everything we do has a reaction, like a ripple in a calm lake, Ive analysed my past self’s actions so much that I can now see the ripples I created that led me to that place. I fear returning to depression greatly but it is not my greatest fear, because the person I am today is 10 times more conscious, balanced and mentally healthy than I have ever been previously. Learn to enjoy the journey and as bumpy as it may get sometimes, everything really does happen for a reason. 

 

As I sit here digging deep and pondering what my greatest fear really is, Im realising its almost more terrifying to admit what it is to myself than to have it happen in real life. Because admitting what it is to myself right now, means that any emotions brought to the surface are purely the result of the mind and ‘pain body’. They’re not the result of anyone else, theres no easy way out with confronting your inner demons and there is no easy solution to get rid of them. It can take years of creating new habits in thought and actions, but it is possibly the most fulfilling and important thing any person can ever do. 

Suffering begins and ends in the mind and If we can stop our own suffering we can cut the chain of suffering we pass on to others.  

If every person could only act and speak from love, with no expectations, no vendetta or greed, just pure love and compassion… we would have a population and society of very happy, calm and productive people. 

 

So, what is your greatest fear? 

 

My fears - simply put, without depth or explanation - are failure, loneliness and heartbreak/abandonment. 

Failing to achieve my dream life of adventure, passion, creativity, abundance and real true companionship. 

I experience these thoughts of failure when I am alone, when I rest because I am tired, when I don’t spend time with friends, when I see a soul mates, when I haven’t travelled for a few weeks, when I self sabotage my work life, when I am around men etc etc… 

 

My greatest fear is my self, the ego, the mind. 

 

Happiness is within us, it is our birth right and is available to us in abundance. So is love! The answer to all fears is love.

 

We can create our own reality, and we can choose whether we live our destiny or hide away from it. 

 

Confronting our fears can help us to overcome them. I can see how I incorporate all of my fears into my everyday life, because there will always be a critical part of us that wants us to fail and have something to complain about. 

There would be no mountain peak without a strong solid base and we can only reach our peaks by going back to basics and creating solid foundations within us.

To create solid foundations we have to dig deep and bring to the surface any cracks that may have been covered up over the years. It may not be our fault that these cracks began but it is our responsibility to really get that gorilla glue in there to ensure they are fully healed. (Lol)

 

This may all seem like an impossible mission to begin on your own but one thing we can all do every day is try to remain present. Every time the mind starts to wander and chatter something negative we can take a metaphorical step back, observe the voice and then silence it and focus on the present moment. 

The present moment is what is happening right now, it is positive and calm like a lake with completely still water free to reflect a beautiful blue sky on a summers day. 

 

Remaining present opens the possibility to create new habits in the mind. We can react with love and compassion, tolerance and patience to others in all situations if we can intervene when previous habits begin to kick in. It takes time and is a conscious effort, but small steps every day can have huge results. All by simply calming the mind and creating space to ask the question ‘am I acting from a place of love’

 

You have an abundance of love in you and the more you share the more you will receive. 

 

 :) xx

 

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